Everybody wishes they could do it. Yet we all tolerate these people, only ruminating on our own misery when we have to hang out with them. If you only have to deal with them 2 to 3 times a month, it’s okay (sort of). But if you have to confront them every week, it can get in the way of your sanity.
There are tons of reasons why you might not get along with someone. Nobody gets along with everybody (except the Dalaï Lama, but he trained a lot). It’s normal to not get along with some people.
When the conflict is felt on both sides, it’s rather easy to solve. You both know you hate each other. If you still have to confront once in a while (due to work for instance) you both try to behave on these rare occasions. And if it’s somebody you met at a party that got on your nerves and you never want to see again, then you never see that person again.
The problem is when the conflict is only felt on one side. This person might want to hang out with you, think you are friends, but you don’t feel the same way at all. You might try to stop responding to this person’s texts and/or to stop going to events where you know this person will attend. But that’s easier said than done, and it gets in the way of your personal freedom.
A couple years ago I was going through a big social outgoing phase in my life. I would go out every time something was happening. I wanted to attend all the events and to hang out with as many people as possible. This strategy is one of the best ways to end up with:
- People you hang out with only because they’re here. You act like you have a good vibe going on and you might actually do, but you both know you will never become actual friends. In fact you have never seen these people in broad daylight. Think about it.
- People you hang out with only because they’re here, except they think you guys are becoming the best friends in the entire world. That’s a problem.
In my particular situation, the person was not only at all the parties I was going to but also at my university. We did get along okay and I even considered being his friend for a little while. While I quickly gave up on the idea, he didn’t (maybe because he had seen me in broad daylight). I realized that we never had meaningful conversations. After a while our jokes even became redundant. It was getting pointless.
I decided to stop responding to his texts asking me if I was going to this event and that party. We would still run into each other and chat, but that was it. I could tell he felt hurt that I was trying to part ways. He actually mentioned it to me a couple times. But I never looked back, and we slowly parted ways. The end of the school term definitely put an end to our relationship. It was over.
These situations can get a lot nastier than in my example, and the way you deal with them also depends on your personality. Some people will feel bad about trying to cut loose with the person. Do not. Put yourself first.
In those situations, it is in everyone’s interest to part ways. Your wanna-be friend will find people that actually want to hang out with him/her. It will be much nicer than to be part of a pointless relationship. You will feel much better about yourself, and you will have more time to focus on the people that truly matter in your life.
